It's raining outside, I am stranded in the lab, after a stressful day, and since I don't want to get back to work on my project, I have decided to write. It's been past a month since I posted last. Every day will definitely have things to talk about, and a month is a lot of time.
Some of my friends are at home, some at faraway places, a few giving me company. I am still struggling on my project, wondering what I have gained in the process. It's been four months since I last went to the Hyderabad Film Club, an even larger amount of time since I went home and stayed a whole day, I've always had to return to worry about my project, some time since I had the luxury of a long conversation and some time since I have heartily laughed.
Maybe it's not as bad as I made it sound, I have things to look forward to, I will be going to Indiana university in August and I know deliverance from my project is nearing. Even as I write this, I feel like a stupid that I am thinking so much about the project. I hate to identify with it. To me work can never be life, unless you are an artist (of course!, I hope to be one). I don't know how the transition came about, when I was at school I always wanted to be a scientist of some kind, I now want to do something in the arts. I now brood more, if that qualifies me for it. My interest in people has also grown.
Whatever the fallout, I must be thankful to my project for opening my eyes, I learnt an important lesson: Never lead yourself on a path that's not made for you. I have decided never to work on something that I have no interest in, and have even lesser aptitude for. I have fretted, fumed and brooded on why I had to struggle while some had it easy, and in the process also gained a voice. So, it's not that bad after all.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
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