Indiana University Bloomington

Tall green trees, buildings well laid amidst a lot of vegetation, Nice huge lamp-posts, and walkways that make walking or cycling such a delight, the Indiana University Bloomington campus sure is a beautiful one.

That's me.

C h i c a g o !

My cousin's place at peaceful Wheaton

Towards Downtown Chicago

My Cousin Manoj

The Michigan Lake Beach, The Hancock tower behind me.

America's Tallest: The Sears tower

Millennium Park

Millennium park

A huge steel installation at Millennium Park

Each Tower is Tall

Beautiful Downtown.

America, I am here. To stay ?

I am at Chicago, at my cousin's place. He's a nice man and I am having a good time here. Landing here at O'Hare International airport, though I had the burden of postponing the connecting flight to Indianapolis, which I eventually missed, on my mind, I was happy that I was making my transition into the Western world, having had continental chicken and sauted vegetables for lunch, fruit flavoured yoghurts made in Germany for all meals, reading J.M.Coetzee's Youth (I've mostly read Indian authors before), landing midway at Frankfurt airport and flying across the Atlantic for the first time. A plane ride sure does boost your esteem, you do feel important. I was happy about my first International one, until I realised I had indeed been taken for a ride. I was robbed.

Even as my father would keep advising me to learn from others' experiences, I seem to have a knack for learning things first hand. Adding to the list of new things learned by myself would be, how to claim for lost travelers cheques, what to do if you find your cash stolen from your baggage and how to lodge a complaint with Air India. And these lessons are costly. I will recover my travelers cheques for 1000 USD, but little hope on the 800 dollars cash. And then, there's the feeling that your first international flight was rather jinxed. Surprisingly, the first time I discovered the loss, I didn't react any vehemently. Possibly because, I was expecting it after having heard stories about thefts on Air India's baggage transfer. And maybe, because I was also tired.

As it began to sink in the next day, I was haunted by feelings of what if, why had I put the cash in my baggage, why didnt I spend some time learning how to program that number lock on my bag and other such things. More than anything, it's the feeling of being helpless that troubles me, all I was doing was asking politely if anything could be done, how I wish I could demand action. Anyway, my father was handling that part.

I told myself that it was less than a two-month stipend, to remain calm. While on the value of money, I was at Barnes and Noble bookstore yesterday to while away time, and I was thinking how costly the books were at over 12$ when you could get the same book for Rs.250 in India. But, A simple meal eaten out for one costs around half that price, around 5$.(For the record, my cousin's taken me to Potbelly's Sandwich works and Noodle bar, both times the food tasted wonderful.) So that way, maybe you don't have to think too much about buying a book, equivalent to around two meals. In India, the same 250 is equivalent to around 5 meals for one, so it is actually a larger amount there, as I see it now. That's what is striking to me about the US, if you are earning in dollars, most things are affordable. Cars, laptops and other things are available for not more than two months salary unlike in India where they are perceived as long term investment. But, being the Indian I am my first urge would still be to multiply the dollar figure with 50, to decide whether or not to make a purchase. Maybe, only until I start earning in dollars.

Some of you reading this are maybe already conjecturing, that this fellow's sure to stay back in the US. It's too early anyway.

There are certain warning signs though that might mean I'd return. For one, I feel intimidated here. The Americans are all hefty and well-built, and so confident, and if I have to make an impression here and keep up my self-esteem, I'd have to improve physically and emotionally. And the positive thing is that of what I've seen, the Americans are friendly people. I will put my best foot forward. For the second, I heard my first news story about sniper shooting yesterday, and to think of it, it was in North Indiana. Bloomington's in South Indiana. I guess I'll have to license a gun.

I'll be heading to Bloomington, that very beautiful campus town, rated among the most liveable places in America by some magazine, this weekend. I know I'll enjoy the US!

A rainy day's pour-out

It's raining outside, I am stranded in the lab, after a stressful day, and since I don't want to get back to work on my project, I have decided to write. It's been past a month since I posted last. Every day will definitely have things to talk about, and a month is a lot of time.

Some of my friends are at home, some at faraway places, a few giving me company. I am still struggling on my project, wondering what I have gained in the process. It's been four months since I last went to the Hyderabad Film Club, an even larger amount of time since I went home and stayed a whole day, I've always had to return to worry about my project, some time since I had the luxury of a long conversation and some time since I have heartily laughed.

Maybe it's not as bad as I made it sound, I have things to look forward to, I will be going to Indiana university in August and I know deliverance from my project is nearing. Even as I write this, I feel like a stupid that I am thinking so much about the project. I hate to identify with it. To me work can never be life, unless you are an artist (of course!, I hope to be one). I don't know how the transition came about, when I was at school I always wanted to be a scientist of some kind, I now want to do something in the arts. I now brood more, if that qualifies me for it. My interest in people has also grown.

Whatever the fallout, I must be thankful to my project for opening my eyes, I learnt an important lesson: Never lead yourself on a path that's not made for you. I have decided never to work on something that I have no interest in, and have even lesser aptitude for. I have fretted, fumed and brooded on why I had to struggle while some had it easy, and in the process also gained a voice. So, it's not that bad after all.

Can't believe.

We've been bid farewell at the IIIT. Can't believe it's getting over.

I must admit that I've not had a great sense of belonging initially. It took me three years to get acquainted with people and begin to feel at home with them and at the IIIT. The final year's been a most wonderful time, I had things to worry about but I also had friends who made me feel special.

Four years just flew by, wish I had all those wonderful times in the final year all through. But, it takes time to strike a chord with people, and inspite of taking the people you are close to for granted, there'll be a lot of things you still won't know about them. I am looking forward to leaving the IIIT as I go in search of new adventures, but I wish I had more time with my friends.

Can't believe I am 21.

I still have the feeling that I finished school very recently and I still feel a need for care and attention.

I am yet to learn to be myself at social gatherings, I just can't help but be stiff and inconvenient, and that means I am always robbing photographs of their charm.

When we went on excursions in school to Rajasthan and Delhi in my last two years, I always felt out of the group. When we checked into the hotels, people would choose their room-mates, and I was the one who was always left out. I stayed with people who weren't the ones I met everyday and called friends. While travelling on trains, in buses I had difficulty joining people in whatever they were doing, playing cards or humming songs.

Every time, I was expecting them to ask me to join them, expecting them to invite me to be in their rooms. Even as I've grown to 21 years, I seem to have the wisdom but I haven't really changed. We went on a batch trip recently, and I saw a repeat of those very events: I felt withdrawn, and unable to talk without hesitation, and was expecting people to ask me to join them. Again, I couldn't really spend as much time as I would have liked with my friends on the trip.

It's time I learnt to stop expecting somebody to help me help myself, and learnt to take the initiative.

Hello there!

It's been a long time since I wrote, pity that my last post actually talked about my writing more often.

I've been occupied with applying to universities and trying to satisfy my final year project guide. In between, I had to deal with the placements.

A sense of achievement can do wonders to your psyche. A sense of worthlessness can prove to be very depressing, as I found out in the placement process. Well, when I don't get into a company it means that I don't fit into that company, and not that I am incompetent is what I'd like to believe (who would want to blame himself, after all!) and what is common wisdom, but when you discover you don't fit into neither Adobe, nor Google, nor Sarnoff, nor Microsoft, nor Yahoo, you can't help but find fault with yourself. (My, they are big names!)

Finally and thankfully (Since that gave me an excuse to be out of the placement process!), I ended up at Infosys SETLabs after they had rejected me initially and advised me to widen my horizons. Well, that took away the little sense of achievement it would have given me had I been accepted without the initial rejection. I wasn't elated at all. (Maybe, also because of the fact that I was prejuduced both by the salaries of the companies that I didn't fit into and the fact that it was Infosys, which well I didn't hold in very high esteem (You might as well notice the past tense.)).

I currently am into programs in human computer interaction at the Indiana University and the University of Nottingham. I guess my next destination will be clear in a couple of months time when I will hear from the other universities.

Keep Driving, I will

After receiving complements from my brother for my previous post, it is with a feeling of apprehension that I am writing this post. For I am not really sure if I'll stand up to keep those complements each time I write. Besides, there's the 4.0 I received on the GRE writing assessment that makes me even more apprehensive. But then there's hope that some bright day will be mine, and that precisely is the subject of this post, Hope.

Hope is a beautiful thing. It keeps you going despite any setbacks you might have had. You might have failed to reach your expectations, but there's the hope that you'll do well next time. If not for the hope, we would have given up. You might have had a quarrel with a friend and find it extremely difficult to make the first move, but there's hope that time will set it right.

Of course, hope only works when combined with action. I can't keep hoping that things will happen without my intervention. It is hope that drives us and effort that pulls us through.

There are these beautiful stories about men and women who have endured all setbacks to achieve what they wanted to. They fill you with hope. That explains why I find reading Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen's Chicken soup for the soul such a comfort. While on these stories and my writing, there is this story about R.K.Narayan failing in his English examination at college, and that's provided me succour from my 4.0!

Hope is the rope,
that swings around life,
providing support during failure and strife.
So whatever the circumstance,
never change your stance,
on Hope.

Can I Write ?

Written in May 2005

I've always wanted to write, but haven't tried my hand at it seriously. I started off pompously hoping to finish a book by the time I was 20. I am now 20 years, 33 days old, but my "book" is still at page one. I had an idea in mind, writing about a character who was in many a manner similiar to what I am, my characteristics, feelings and traits. Overwhelmed by the initial enthusiasm, I began and finished the one page. I even edited it. Alas, the enthusiasm didn't last and my dream of being a widely read famous author(how audacious!) by the time I was twenty will remain unfulfilled.

I admire and adore Ruskin Bond and his writing. My desire to write took birth when I read that he won the John Llewelyn prize at the age of 17 for his book, The room on the roof. I thought I was setting myself a modest target, by allowing myself time till I was 20. I was 17 then.

For me, writing was till very recently, a thing done for school work. I only realised very recently that I had to write often if I wanted to communicate well. My intention to write was further encouraged when I saw the movie "Before Sunset", in which the female protagonist talks about the Journal she keeps of everyday events and her desire to write and compose more songs.(I found Julie Delpy wonderful in that role.) Also, when I saw my brother's blog, I liked his writing, and wanted to learn the skill.

I have been nursing a desire to become a film maker, I have been to several screenings at the Hyderabad Movie Club, and realised that if I wanted to make a great film, I needed to write a great screenplay, and the only way to learn to write a screenplay is to start writing some. So that notion extended to writing as well, and here I am trying to write.

It's great fun. To read back on what you've written and have others read your writing. It's always great to speak about your experiences, your beliefs, your ambitions. And its even better if you wrote about them and have the others read them.