Inside Out, Outside In

Ilayaraja Music

2008-06-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

I don't seem to want to listen to music other than Ilayaraja's. It might be keeping me away from a lot of other music, that I could regrettably be missing, but I think his music has special appeal to me because it was the music in the time I was growing up as a child. I remember Gharshana's "Rajadhi Raja" playing on radio as I was rushed up to get ready for school in time to catch the bus. The vocals are another reason. S.P.Balasubrahmanyam, S.Janaki, K.S.Chitra and Jesudas are the voices that defined Telugu film music in that age, and they were always at their best when they sung for Ilayaraja. Listening to his music brings back another time, and the feeling that I'm in India.

I am discovering a lot of Ilayaraja music on Youtube, mostly in Tamil and a lot of which I hadn't heard before, and though I don't understand more than a few words, there is a certain delight in listening. A few ones I've been playing are here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOXdSAIuxXw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJq_IN4pUX8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gC3ot7p7sZU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edqyq4Q-7uU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYcbO7gw8W8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeUQF7pdn7M&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swdJYA6ZafM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3s0mDjVy54&feature=related

The first one, Ilayaraja composed for one of Mani Rathnam's early films in 1983. It has been used as the jingle for Idea cellular advertisements recently, R.Balakrishnan the director of the ad is a fan of Ilayaraja music. He also made the recent Hindi film "Cheeni Kum", featuring some rehashed versions of Ilayaraja classics. That is probably testimony to the music's lingering quality. That or that Ilayaraja has a way of forming a die-hard fan club.

With many music directors, many voices and many films today, there is somehow a lesser lingering quality to current Telugu music. It is of course not wise to ask for the monopoly of one single music director or vocalist, as countless people have the desire to sing or make music and some will indeed bring a new wave. But, repetition and a lack of experimentation on the part of music directors and vocalists has led to the creation of music that sounds alright but isn't noteworthy. There is a distinctive feel to Ilayaraja's music, and there is great variety making his music memorable.

Twenty Three years Old

2008-03-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

And so my birthday falls at a time when winter is beginning to change into spring, a time for possible sunshine, and potential sickness. I fell sick again this year like I did last time. I went to visit a doctor on the 24th, and I heard people wish her happy birthday. So I saw the doctor on her birthday, and she seeing my birth date on my record, wished me a happy birthday in advance. So in the grand scheme of things, I must have been born on the 25th of March so that in 2008, I would wish a doctor and her me. Or maybe there's more. The film director David Lean, musician Elton John and actress Sarah Jessica Parker were also born today (Happy Birthday, if one of you is reading this). I will just have to wait and see if they'll put me up on that list. That was maybe an act of self-indulgence, but I guess you're allowed that on your birthday. Thanks all of you who wished me well, and made my day less ordinary.

Addendum: Actually, that page is on Wikipedia, which means I could put myself on that list now, but that can wait till I'm eligible.

Jodhaa Akbar

2008-02-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

Last Sunday, my room mates and I went to see the hindi film Jodhaa Akbar playing in Indianapolis. The film was entertaining, but leaves much to be desired. There was a sense of a missing style, the film was no different from Doordarshan serials based on history, except for a more sophisticated approach (the dialogue and acting was more restrained and realistic). Period Dramas are such excellent opportunities for film makers to put together beautifully made films, with gorgeous costumes and sets and stylish shots. The cinematography of the film was rather lacking in inspiration, and really made that connection for me with Doordarshan serials. The plot was not very complex, and the lack of a fresh storytelling style, made the film somewhat ordinary. The music didn't seem to fit with the film, especially with the songs. Synthesized sounds and heavy orchestration made them seem anachronistic.

The film brings Satyajit Ray's Shatranj ke Khiladi to mind, another drama set in Mughal times. Ray, being the director he is, made a beautiful film. Especially with cinematography, the shots make beautiful use of light and the sets. I think the strength was also in the film's script, with only a handful of main characters for the audience to concentrate upon, we are left with an intimate understanding of the characters. I can't say that with Jodhaa Akbar, possibly because the lead roles are played by popular stars with whom it is difficult for the audience to leave out their real life personas, but also because the lead roles are portrayed as almost perfect people, in line with Bollywood tradition.

Jodhaa Akbar is promoted as a love story, the name itself evokes Romeo and Juliet. But, the climax which involves a conflict between Akbar and his brother-in-law, has nothing to do with their love. The final scene, in which Akbar asks Jodhaa to join him on the throne probably was intended to bring back to mind that the film is called Jodhaa Akbar. A stronger script would have highlighted the events in the film as being a test of their love. At the end of the first half before the interval, the only conflict in their love ends, and the second half is devoted mostly to tying loose ends. Maybe there wasn't enough information available about Jodhaa and Akbar's love to warrant making a film. The story of an intercultural marriage between a Muslim king and a Hindu princess I would think would surely have a lot of interesting episodes with culture clashes and ideology conflicts. By the way, I thought this blog by people who are married to people from other cultures, one of them an American woman married to a Telugu man, had some funny posts. From the posts, it is clear that there is plenty to talk about in an inter-cultural marriage. There are a few scenes that depict these conflicts, to give credit to the film, but if it was supposed to be a film about a love story, there had to be more.

Amitabh Bachchan narrates in the beginning of the film yet again. He did even in Ray's film, but Ashutosh Gowariker himself had used that device in Lagaan too. It is difficult to write the script in a manner that communicates the historical setting without resorting to narration, as the story will have to emerge through the scenes. That would also possibly make the film longer. Shatranj is 129 minutes, while Jodhaa is 213 minutes long. At that length, even with the song length subtracted, there was no reason why there couldn't have been more innovation by way of storytelling in Jodhaa. Jodhaa Akbar is possibly a shining film among its counterparts in Bollywood, but as good cinema it falls short.

Away but not Gone.

2008-02-16T17:02:00.001-08:00

I haven't posted since August. Last semester was pretty occupied, this semester feels occupied, though I don't seem to be getting much done. I am looking for and applying to jobs, working on my final project and an independent study. Some random observations about recent times, to warm up to posting more.

I was in India in Dec-Jan for a month, and I guess I am still hung over from being there. The trip to India was a good time, meeting family and friends. Thirty days were gone very quickly. While I was there, I seemed to feel "empowered", it felt like I had the energy to change things there. From confusing airport procedures and less than friendly bank service to congested roads and poorly implemented traffic rules, there was an element of a lack of thinking on the part of people thinking about these services and procedures, and everything seemed like it could potentially be made better using good design. Or, maybe it was that inevitable foreign-returned-contempt-for-the-country. I didn't ask for bottled water though, so maybe I was an inch better.

I was at the Student Recreation and Sports Center (SRSC) at Indiana University yesterday, and jogged in the indoor track. I was at the SRSC to exercise for the very first time since I came to IU. While I was jogging, all I kept thinking was about what status message to have on Facebook and Gmail, "Balakrishna is wondering if the heavens are crying, he was at the SRSC exercising for the very first time", and then having somewhat of an obsessive compulsive tendency, I was refining that sentence while jogging additional rounds. "Does exercising sound good in that sentence, or should I say jogged?", "the heavens are crying, or should I say will start crying", "the heavens are crying? but it's been raining here in the last couple days, so should I say it's going to be sunny?". In the end, I didn't have a status message after all. Well, I have this post. I guess it's a human need to express oneself, or maybe I am narcissistic. It felt good after I ran, first, because I was doing something new and second, running seemed to lift my spirits.

Last week, I saw a six hour movie, called "The best of youth", it is among my favorites now. The film tracks a family over the years, their lives intertwined with historic events in Italy. It is a wonderful film that makes you feel good about life, family and friendship. The six hour duration seemed well justified, and the characters are memorable. The concept for the script, to intertwine a family's story with historic events in a place is so good, and possibly could be replicated to make good films based in other places. There haven't been well made period films in Telugu, not at least in the last ten years, and this could be a concept well suited to adapting.

I was just reading entries about me from the yearbook from IIIT, after looking at a friend's orkut profile that had a link to his yearbook entries. It felt nostalgic, and I always feel good reading those because most of them heap praise on me. There are a few of them that write that I am an anxious person, and a few that I needed to be more outgoing. I might have improved from that time on both fronts. Or at the least, I can fake kewlness.

A year in the USA

2007-08-12T00:37:00.000-07:00

Aug 7th was the anniversary of my landing in the United States. It was a year that was quick.

A year of staying away from home. A year of tasting my own broth, cooking Cauliflowers, Tomatoes or Capsicums in a one-method-for-all manner, with obviously mixed results. A year of dollars, quarters, dimes and cents. A year of watching some great movies, courtesy the university library and Netflix. A year of making the transition from studying Computer Science to studying Human Computer Interaction Design. Consequently, a year of design projects and group meetings, a year of romanticizing the idea of being a “Designer” (a wonderful notion that really made my days at times) and sometimes living it. And as with other years, a year of some hopes dashed, and some made.

I had the idea that at the end of the year I would write about the changes that I underwent in the year, and have been thinking about what might have changed in the way I see or do things. Here they are.

One. I have an opinion about everything, or at least I can form one quickly enough. And more importantly, I am more prone to say it now than I was a year back. I was at the contemporary art museum in Denver, trying to tell myself I was more than a philistine. The woman at the counter asked me friendly, “So what did you think about the exhibit?”. “I didn’t make much of it myself, the brochure helped though”, I said rather haughtily, to my own surprise and embarrassment.

I guess it takes longer than a year to shed off your philistine-ness. I’ve been trying hard though, having been at two art fairs, two times to the Denver Art Museum and once to the contemporary art museum (which had only that one exhibit) all in this summer. And considering that I finished the book I was reading on my flight to the USA, J.M.Coetzee’s Youth, on my flight to Denver (that’s over a period of nine months), I have to be more focused if I am indeed to progress beyond philistine-ness (Is that a proper word? To my credit, I finished Arundhati Roy’s The God of small things within a month this Summer, and consequently I have taken a fascination for made-up words, which she makes use of to great effect). Interestingly, Youth is about a young South African who thinks about being a poet, but doesn't make the effort to write. There might be a lesson to take there.

Two. I can talk a little more about myself in conversations. Looking at all the “I”s here, I guess that’s a little more than obvious.

Three. I am less shy to ask for help. “They’ll think I am being nice since I want help”, I would say to myself usually. Now I deliberate a little lesser, I just call or ask.

Four. I might have a better sense of humor. Thinking back, if it were now, my response would have been a little different to the stupid joke one of my classmates at the IIIT played on me. He drew a woman’s breast and asked me what it was. I said “a W with two dots in it”, appalled. I guess I would take it as a joke now, and smile. Probably.

Five. I have no qualms about eating food while walking on the road, or drinking Coca Cola in the classroom. A year ago, I had the now strange seeming idea that either was inappropriate.

And Six. I might have an accent. I guess making fun of people who can’t speak their mother tongue properly after a stint abroad, has some side effects.

But when you meet me, if I come across as having exaggerated these changes, attribute it to my effort to make my writing interesting, or to having put on an act to have you say the rather nice “You haven’t changed”.

Denver Diary

2007-06-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a month and ten days since I set foot in Denver. It's definitely been an interesting experience. I must say life when you're working full time, is very different.

The company I work for has five employees, including myself. We're all Indian, and that has meant that I've had very few conversations with Americans. My little rendezvous (I just learnt the word has its plural spelled the same way, but pronounced differently, interesting.) with people behind the counters at shops, has left me, undeservedly so for Denverites, with mixed feelings about their friendliness. Sometimes they were rude, sometimes they were very friendly. Undeservedly, because I guess people behind the counters can't be real people: at Starbucks they'll always be warm because I hear they can lose their jobs if they aren't (but I wouldn't discount that it's difficult being so).

On my street for over a mile, there're many automobile related shops: car parts, car washes and the like, but no supermarkets, which is wonderful considering that I can't drive, and don't have a car. There's a grocery shop opposite my apartment run by a family from Pakistan , where I get some things, but not all (another reduced opportunity to talk with an American, but the family is friendly and helpful).

It's a little strange to be living in the United States, and interacting only with Indians for the most part. Not that that's bad, but I think part of the interesting thing about being in another country is to interact and make friends with the people there. So my interactions, being in the workplace, concern javascript, html and the like. Some other interactions happen on the way to work and back home also with people from the office. The company is only a ten minute walk away, so these conversations are short, but thankfully about other things, and I must admit I do look forward to these conversations.

I had a roommate, for the first 30 days or so before he left to India, and during that time, I would have some conversation with him. He always took about two minutes to respond to what I said, so my patience meant that the conversation was mostly short. But these conversations were a respite, allowing me to vent any apprehensions and fears about my new workplace as he seemed to listen, and then there were Telugu movies and cooking for the day (we took turns) to talk about. Now I am all by myself in a two bedroom apartment, and need to move to another place in the middle of next month, when the lease expires.

It's my theory that people need to talk about things that make them happy, not just do them, to be happy. So my experience watching a movie, walking a street in a new city or eating at a good restaurant, are seldom complete until I tell people about them, and have them tell me back what a wonderful time I was having! I don't know if that's true for most people. It might be something worth investigating and might hold the answer to what motivates people to write blogs, share photos, set status messages and the like. So my theory leaves me looking for places to start conversations, and that's how I've been spending most of my time in the evenings: chatting online and ocassionally on the phone. Once or twice a week I get a movie from Netflix, having taken the one-DVD-at-a-time subscription. And last week when I received a damaged DVD, for lack of anything else to do, I fell prey to Youtube. For almost a week, I've been watching bits and pieces of David Letterman's and Ellen Degeneres' chat shows all evening. It's left me feeling a little shallow at the end of the week, and I should be changing course. Not that they're not entertaining, but I guess I was taking in too much at a time.

So that's how I live. At the workplace from 9.30-6.30, and then at home spending time as mentioned. I must say it can be very lonely if not for the chats online and on the phone. Weekends add colour to the week, as I get to do something else, thus get something to talk about, and then get to have to find somebody to tell it to. Thanks for reading and being that somebody.

Inspired by Paris je t'aime

2007-06-17T15:32:00.000-07:00

I went to see the film Paris je t'aime (Paris, I love you) yesterday. It has about 20 short stories about love, set in different locations in Paris. I loved the film, as it has like 20 different directors for each of the short films, and a host of brilliant actors. I particularly liked the ones by Wes Craven, Gurindher Chadha, The Coen brothers, Alexander Payne, Tom Tykwer and Gus Van Sant.

Inspired by Paris je t'aime, I set out to write a script for a story set in Hyderabad. A husband and wife on their way to buy a necklace.

----------

Raju and Sunitha are driving to a jewellery shop on their motorbike. They halt at the traffic light near Sarathi studios. Sunitha has her arms clasped on Raju's chest, and her head over his shoulder.

Sunitha: How much do I have to buy the necklace ?
Raju: They don't sell necklaces for Queen Victoria there, I am sure I'll have enough for you.
Sunitha: Alright then, I'll have the best one.
Raju: Yeah you should get something enough to keep you quiet for five years.
Sunitha: I never asked you for one, you said it was a gift for our first anniversary.
Raju: Yeah, like that is indeed some reason to set me off by a lakh.
Sunitha: Is it then because you love me so much.

Sunitha is laughing. Raju is smiling.

Sunitha: A lakh is something, I thought you would buy me something to the order of 10, 000.
Raju: Okay then, we'll make it 10, 000.

The traffic moves. Raju and Sunitha drive through to get to Ameerpet, the traffic moves at snail's pace. They move past the footwear store Bata.

Sunitha: Can I get new footwear too ?
Raju: Anything for madam. It will be closed by the time we get back, we'll go another day.
Sunitha: Okay.

They move on again only to come to a halt after a short distance.

Sunitha: There is a lot of traffic today.
Raju: Yeah, maybe all husbands are buying things for their wives.
Raju: You should learn driving. I also don't use the car often, it's always at home.
Sunitha: Yeah good idea, you should get me a credit card too, in that case.
Raju: I take back my idea. Anyways, isn't my driving you around, oh so romantic ?
Sunitha: It just seems hectic to me, with all the traffic.
Raju: I should have listened when my aunts cautioned me about marrying an intelligent woman.

The traffic moves on and they reach the building where the jewellery shop is located. They enter the jewellery shop, and the owner of the shop, on seeing them approaches to welcome them. They exchange hellos. Sunitha is looking around to see where necklaces are located. The owner and Raju smile at each other.

Sunitha: They're there, I'll go look.

Raju follows Sunitha, as the owner moves ahead of them to get ready to show them the necklaces. The owner opens up boxes and puts them before Sunitha for her to look. Sunitha looks at them, and immediately picks one up.

Sunitha: Look Raju, this one's similiar to the one Shobhana was wearing in what film was that, ..., and I said I loved it, remember ?

Raju is smiling.

Sunitha: How much is this ?
Owner: 95,000 madam.
Sunitha: Can I take this Raju, it's anyway 5,000 short of the budget you had in mind.
Raju: Yeah, take it.

Sunitha closes the box to hand it over to the owner, when on the box she glances at an engraving.

Sunitha: For Sunitha ?

Raju is smiling. Sunitha smiles back, overwhelmed.

Raju: Thank god, you didn't pick any of the other ones, I paid all that money to have this one made for you.

A night in Atlanta airport

2007-05-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

A flight delayed and the connecting flight missed, I had to choose between paying 50$ for a hotel for the night and staying back in the airport. I decided to experience the airport at night. I was not the only one who made that decision and it was some time before I could secure my two seats. An overweight check-in baggage led me to transfer some things including a towel to my bag, and that served as my blanket. I slept for 4 hours, had Breakfast at Atlanta bread company before 6am (possibly the earliest breakfast of my life), looked at all the stores in the lobby area and I checked in 2.5 hours in advance, to roam the concourses of the huge airport.

I am just beginning to realize the powers of the cell phone camera to document things.

It's been a week since I landed in Denver now, and have finished the first week of my internship at alpha cube designs inc. I am beginning to experience what it's like to be working. 9am-6pm, back home, some internet, eat and sleep is not exactly an exciting itinerary. Work should turn out to be exciting I guess, and then I'll be looking at Netflix to spice things a bit. Weekends are definitely things to look forward to.

San Francisco

2007-05-10T09:13:00.000-07:00

My connecting flight from St.Louis to San Francisco, was delayed, and I wouldn't have made it in time to catch a bus to Santa Cruz, where I was planning to stay with a friend. So I called my cousin if he knew people in San Francisco, and got to stay with his friend in San Francisco for the night and the next day, during which I got to see San Francisco.

I took the bart train from Concord where my cousin's friend and his wife were staying, to the civic center near Downtown San Francisco. I walked around, till I reached the bay where I saw the bay bridge and from a distance the golden gate bridge covered in fog. The street bordering the bay is called Embarcadero street and it was my favourite part of what I saw. Public art, a farmer's market, the Fisherman's wharf, and views of the financial district, made it a very lively street. Two days before my visit, I was looking at the street as an example of good street design because of it's pedestrian friendliness, when working on our class project making a design plan to build a vibrant community for the Bloomington Entertainment and Arts District.

While the pavements of the streets in Downtown San Francisco looked inviting to walk, there weren't many people walking. I was expecting to see a lot of people in downtown, like in New York, but it was not so. On the flight, I was looking at their magazine, and it had an interview of a television star about her favourite places in New York, and it was her impression that New York was all about people, as you run into people all the time, while in California it's all about home, driving and work. I didn't see a lot of people either, my impression of California is also of wide streets, tall palm trees, sunny weather and little traffic. The whole place had a relaxed air to it.

After walking along Embarcadero street for a while, I hopped on to a cablecar, seeking to go to Chinatown. The cablecar driver let me ride free and dropped me off at a nearby place for buses to Chinatown. I took the bus, and as I didnt have the required change, the driver let me ride with just the change I had. The cablecars add charm to the streets, and some of them are historic. I thought San Francisco had a fine public transit system. In Chinatown, I strolled along for sometime, nothing caught my interest, except that the entire street had little sign of being in California, it seemed like China. I was expecting to find cheap food, but seven dollars only fetched me four springrolls. Maybe, I should have looked harder for cheaper restaurants. The financial district was closeby, so I walked to San Francisco's tallest building, the Transamerica Pyramid and made my way back to Embarcadero street, where I caught the train back to Concord.

All Pictures of San Francisco here.

ACM-CHI 2007

2007-05-09T22:32:00.000-07:00

I was in San Jose to attend the ACM-CHI conference. We didn't make it to the next round of the student design competition, but two teams from IU did, and they were placed third and fourth in the top four. It was a good experience. I was a student volunteer too, and I was around for 20 hours wearing the red volunteer T-shirt, and trying to smile all the time. For most of the 20 hours, I was at the doors to the exhibit hall and it was a nice feeling when some people said they were seeing me everywhere. It was nice meeting other student volunteers from different universities and talking with them about their programs and interests.

The conference was for me more of a lesson in networking, than an eye-opener to HCI research. I did attend some talks and exhibits, but not a major part considering the other things I had to do. Bill Moggridge's opening talk about intuition in design was not new, as we had his just released book, which was the content of his talk, as a recommended book for one of our courses. I attended a session in location-aware computing, experience reports in ethnography, a special interest group on designing interfaces for pleasure, a panel about industrial vs. interaction design and bits and pieces of multiple sessions on the final day. The conference was definitely a lesson in networking, though I still need to improve quite a bit at it. I tried my best to meet people and start a conversation. My most memorable moment, was at the Cooper reception where they were releasing Alan Cooper's interaction design book, "About Face 3.0". I'd love to work at Cooper, and was trying my best to understand what it takes to work there. So I walked up to a lady, and asked her if she was an interaction designer at Cooper, she said calmly "I am the founder of Cooper". "This is a pleasure", I said excited. "Will you give me a job?", I said trying to joke, and she asked me where I was from, and the conversation followed. Sue Cooper was kind, and it was nice talking to her. My other main exercise in networking happened at the job fair, and I walked up to the booth of most companies I was interested in, and tried talking with them. I was nervous, and at the end, it took me a while to recollect who I'd given my resumes and business cards to, but it was good that I got to engage in that activity. I now talk more about myself, than I did when I was in India. I guess it took me time to realize that there was definitely a distinction between making yourself interesting and beating the drum about yourself.

On the day after the conference, some companies were organising tours to their offices. I was on the Google, Intuit, frog design, SAP tour. I missed the bus for the tour, and called up Intuit which was organising the tour, and decided to go there myself. So I didn't get to see Google. I went to the San Jose State University Library which had free internet access to plan my trip on the bus. The bus trip from San Jose to the nearest spot to Intuit was an hour and a half long. I had to change buses once, and realized that the second bus which was suggested to me by the bus planner of the Valley Transport Authority, had actually taken me away from the way I was to get to Intuit (which I saw courtesy google maps). The bus planner told me that I would have to walk for an estimated 18 mins to get to the place, but I was walking for over a half hour, when I finally got there. I had my suitcase in hand, and I was walking the streets like I was in an airport concourse, stopping on the way to look at the map on my computer, to see if I was heading in the right direction. It was a strange experience, as there were no people walking, only the cars on the road. Mountain view where Intuit is located, was pretty desolate, only a place with offices scattered around. So was Palo Alto, where we went to see frog design and SAP. Intuit showed us their usability labs, frog design gave a presentation about their recent projects, and SAP had demonstrations of their projects.

The week was pretty hectic, as I had work to finish from school, my duties as a volunteer, and some preparations for the competition. I only got to sleep less than 5 hours a day, so much that I slept 17 hours the first day after my return.

More pictures from CHI and San Jose here.

Twenty Two

2007-03-25T13:39:00.000-07:00

Alright, I am another year older. Last week had been pretty dull, what with me being sick. I'm okay now, and the week ended in my birthday. My room mates and my neighbours made my day special by bringing me a cake to cut, and candles to blow. Thanks to them, and everybody who made it a point to wish me.

New Website

2007-02-24T10:59:00.000-08:00

I now have my website at http://mypage.iu.edu/~balchenn/. You can see what I've been doing as a masters student in human computer interaction design in the Portfolio section. Do tell me what you think about the site!

A Telugu film at Berlin

2007-02-20T18:18:00.000-08:00

Vanaja, a Telugu film directed by Rajnesh Domalpalli, won the best first feature award at Berlin film festival. He happens to be an engineer who did his bachelors in IIT Bombay, and a Masters from SUNY, SB, and he had written the film while studying film at Columbia University.

In recent times, Telugu film makers who've won acclaim happen to be engineers turned film makers. Sekhar Kammula, Nagesh Kukunoor for example. And Telugu film makers have been winning acclaim for first films. Sekhar Kammula and Mohankrishna I. won their best first feature national awards for their first films Dollar dreams and Grahanam, but thereafter haven't been noticed much. It remains to be seen if the Telugu film will move beyond Andhra Pradesh, the state where the language is most spoken. There is a film industry that produces mostly insipid fare, as the directors aren't very inspired, and all the producers are after is money. This new crop of film makers has the distinction of having an education in film, unlike the others who came up the ladder beginning as nobodies in the film industry.

Sekhar Kammula and Mohankrishna I. have moved into the industry, and while they have made only a few films to comment on, the films are only a minor improvement over the insipid films of the industry in terms of their content. There's of course the issue of money. Who would fund films that do not find an audience among the people who're willing to pay to watch insipid fare, but would not watch a more seriously made film, dismissing it as an "art film". The issue is about finding an audience, and I am sure there is one for serious films even in Andhra Pradesh, leave alone the entire world (and that's not very unreasonable given how videos find a worldwide audience on Youtube). What must be done is to make a viable business plan for such films, and more than that convince the people involved in producing the films that these "art films" can work financially.

Hairspray

2007-02-15T16:58:00.000-08:00

Last week I went to see the Broadway Musical "Hairspray". I loved it. It was the first time I saw something like that, and was amazed at the quality of the production. The music was great too. The story was about how a Baltimore girl in the 60s who's overweight and has unfashionable hair, or not good looking in the conventional sense, goes on to win a TV dance show, and how that leads her on to another adventure. The characters were all based on stereotypes and might not have made the audience think, but make us laugh they sure did. With a two and a half hour duration, a break between and plenty of song dances, it was more like the films back in India.

Yay!

2007-02-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

The shortlist of the ACM Computer Human Interaction Conference (CHI) Student Design Competition has been announced and in the top 12 teams, 5 teams are from our program. Our team made it too ! The next round of the competition would be at the conference in April in San Jose.

The problem was to design a solution to encourage people to use public transit. We took the social networking route, linking transport options to the networking site Facebook, allowing people who plan events on Facebook, to also plan their transportation options. On Facebook, a person's activities are made available for all his friends to see, and when they know that their friend is taking the bus, our argument was that they would be inclined to do so too. Our studies on college students here suggested that people don't take public transit because there is a notion that public transit is for those who can't afford a car or because they didn't like traveling with strangers. Our solution with social networking would allow friends to plan their transport together, thus solving the problem of traveling with strangers, and since everybody is aware of who's traveling by public transport, any wrong notions are removed.

The Snow!

2007-01-30T20:04:00.000-08:00

About two weeks back, we finally got to see what sense there was in living through a -20 degrees centigrade temperature. It Snowed. Pictures here.

Winter '06

2007-01-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

Central Park, New York.

I was visiting my cousin in Groton, Connecticut for the winter. We traveled to Fords, NJ from there as my cousin's mother was to catch a flight to India in Newark. That afforded me a trip to New York City, undoubtedly the high point of my sightseeing. On day one in NJ, my cousin and I drove to Queen's in New York where he had some work and we went to Manhattan later. We drove through the Manhattan streets, looking at the high rises from our car. A two hour drive and we were only able to see the Empire state building and Times square. Unsatisifed and determined to get on the subway and the free Staten Island Ferry that gives a glimpse of the statue of liberty, I set out next day alone and traveled by train from Fords, NJ to NYC. I decided that my itinerary would cover the Central park and the staten island ferry. As I walked down from the Penn station where I got down towards Central Park, other landmarks greeted me. New York is like one big exhibition, and walking the streets is a great experience. A picture story of my day in NYC is here.

At Groton, I was at home for the most part, catching up on telugu movies, eating and surprising my relatives waking up after noon. My cousin drove me one night to a casino called the Mohegan Sun in Mystic town. I fed 10 dollars to the machines there. Groton is a small seaside town, and I visited the shore. I went there on a day when the sun was up and the weather was nice, and given that I had only seen the sea twice before in my life, it was an engrossing experience. At Fords too I was for the most part at home, save for the trips to New york city and malls nearby. For new year's eve I was at the same place with my relatives. We watched the crowds at Times square on TV and cut a cake. For the record, it was the first time I wasn't at home in Hyderabad for New Year. Pictures of Groton and Fords here.

From Monday, it's back to classes and I'm looking forward to it.

End of Chapter One

2006-12-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

It's the last week of my first semester studying in the US. I am visiting my cousin in Connecticut for the vacation. The semester was fun, I am not sure how much I learned about Human Computer Interaction Design, but living in another country is an education by itself and I think I've grown, working with people and making friends here. Not to forget that I've also taught. Once, teaching Linux commands, I got to the finger command, when the exerise was to use the command to find information about their neighbor. Unwittingly, I said "finger your neighbour", only to realise its other connotation when I heard giggles. Being a foreign Teaching assistant can lead to many of these situations, like somebody replying "It sucked" when asked about a previous assignment, and I having little clue how to respond to it.

Thanks to the teaching experience, and the numerous presentations in my own classes, I 've improved, so it seems, at speaking in public. On the first day, during orientation, we were asked about our greatest fears, and I said speaking in public. The professors are rather observant, and I had a couple of them tell me later I wasn't bad, friends have also told me that I've been improving. Needless to say, I like all the attention, and that's why I like this place the most, the people are nice and friendly. Surprisingly, I haven't felt very homesick, thanks to the people I've worked with and the Indian junta when I return home here. The timely hellos from friends back home in India, and weekly calls home ensured I felt good. It's interesting how I've improved at public speaking over the years. At school at an elocution competition: "Books are the ships on the ocean of life ... Books are the ships on the ocean of life ... Umm..", taking a sheet of paper out, "Books are a great source of knowledge", closing the sheet to realise I wasn't any good from the second line either, "Thank you". I then progressed, to finishing a speech without breaking off mid way, closing my eyes or looking away to ensure I wasn't intimidated by the crowd, the former working well at a competition for reciting Sanskrit slokas. I then progressed to the "superfast express", where I have my eyes open and looking at the crowd, but the speed of my voice expressed my desire to get out soon. Now, I am able to notice my speed and correct it to ensure I speak clearly. At school, my jitters would begin a week in advance. At IIIT, it would be a day in advance of the presentation, and here the jitters would begin just at the start of the presentation, my heart would begin to pound faster, but I would finish it making sure I made my point.

The projects were fun working as I was in great teams. The frequent parties organised by people from the class, once a Winter white party, where everybody's dressed in white, and eats and drinks only white things, once a christmas party, once a get-together at a friend's place or once a potluck party, ensured that the people in class knew each other well. Though, there still were some confusions about who was who, when one day everybody was asking me how I was doing and offering me candy, apparently I had fainted the day before. It was somebody else in class, but somebody thought my name was his, and everybody was talking about me. Oh well, Indian names can be confusing I guess. I am called Bala here. I have a feeling shorter calling names ensure better socialization. At IIIT, I would be adamant about being called Balakrishna, but haven't felt very close with people until they called me Balak or something similiar.

I was also involved as a photojournalist for the student newspaper, I got 7 photos published, averaging one a week, as I had planned to do. It was fun, and I'll be doing it again next semester. It was a quick semester, and it was fun. Hopefully, next semester would be even more fun.

The Films I'm Watching

2006-11-16T19:36:00.000-08:00

About two weeks back, I got to watch a brilliant film, Alexander Sokurov's "The Russian Ark". It's brilliant on many levels, though the way it was made stands out: The director shot the whole film in a single shot of about 90 minutes. The film is about Russian history and culture, and showcases the Hermitage Museum in Russia to the world. In the different rooms of the museum, the director staged instances from 300 years of Russian History, and the steady camera operator moved from one room to another, where actors performed their parts. In the film, an invisible time traveler guides us through each of the rooms, accompanied by a French diplomat who had toured Russia at one time in the past.

To think that the film was pulled off in spite of these: the film had to be shot in one take as mentioned and since the museum could permit them only that single day when it would be shot there was little time for multiple tries, the steady camera operator was German, and a translator had to mediate between the director and him, 3000 actors performed their parts in the film, all original artifacts from the museum were used in the film and their safety had to be ensured, a minor acting error on the part of any of the actors or the steady camera operator would have ruined the film. Unbelievable.

The film was shot in the third take, the first two times the shooting having failed after about 10 minutes. Watching the film made me very hopeful, that you could pull off just about anything. The costumes on each of the actors were gorgeous, the acting splendid. Watching the film, I have become more interested in Eastern European cinema, my favourite director is Kryzstof Kieslowski, I love his "Blind Chance". This week I could get hold of a DVD box set of his films from our Library, I just finished "Camera Buff" and "A short story about Love", both have simple stories but such intimate portrayal filled with drama. The latter film inspired a Hindi film called "Ek Choti si love story" that became a scandal.

The amateur photojournalist

2006-11-02T21:57:00.000-08:00

I have here the photographs of my first two published photographs, to try to recreate my feeling when I first saw them in the newspaper.

The first one: The main page!

The second one: Okay, I can do this!

I just finished my third photojournalism assignment, shooting at the Latino Culture Center's "Day of the Dead", a celebration to honor the dead. You can see the published photo here . It was the first time I was shooting people in the intimate: the first assignment I was shooting at the bus stop hidden from the people, the second assignment was about shooting a book, "Hoosier Heart".

I was apprehensive, as I was going to be shooting indoors at night, and I needed to get the exposure right besides getting closer to the people. I think cameras can help people overcome their shyness, as you have to get closer to the subjects you need to shoot, when they're people. Well, of course you could do it like you were observing a laboratory cockroach, detached, but that wouldn't get you the best photographs.

I think for me the exercise is proving worthy, I get free photography advice, I get paid for my published photographs, and I get to experience new situations and meet new people. Of course, my method is still coarse, I don't yet involve people in conversations, and that should be the next improvement.

Who Am I ?

2006-11-02T21:55:00.000-08:00

Look Who's playing the fool.

Indiana Jones tries his hand at Beer Pong, thanks to his partner who can drink all the beer.

Pictures from a Halloween party. It was a surprise that I was doing it, because it's not what people would expect of me, or so I guess. If you also found it surprising, wait till you hear this: the day before, I was dancing. Dancing in a bar. Well, I wasn't drunk but I was dancing to music being played by a band called Polka Boys. Maybe it wasn't so much Dance as it was a shake of the legs. I was accompanying my friends, and it seemed odd that I was in a bar, with nothing to do as I don't drink, folding my hands and staring at the band. Eventually as each one of my friends swayed and began dancing to the music, I had to yield to the pressure. I had to find something to do after all.

You can see, characteristic of the people of my personality type, I am trying to defend myself. I don't consider dancing as bad or anything, but I never thought I'd be able to do it. I guess each of us holds a certain image of ourselves that is very difficult to even imagine being changed.

Change is inevitable, though, as they say. Being in a new situation like being in a different country presents an opportunity for change. You are no longer tied to your image, except by your own self, since there're a new set of people and a new set of circumstances. Nobody knows who you are like, so you could fake an entirely new personality, if you have enough courage.

I am still the person most people have known me as though!

Halloween Fun

2006-11-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

Pumpkin Carving: mine! mine!

Jack 'O Lantern: Pretty neat, no ?

The rest!

A new activity

2006-10-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

Today's issue of the Indiana Daily Student, IUB's student newspaper has my name on the front page. I've not been involved in any shady dealings, nor have I won a coveted prize. My first photo working as a photojournalist for the Indiana Daily Student, got published today. Little did I think that my photo would be worthy of being published that when my editor told me it was going to figure on P1, I was very excited, and when I found it to be the picture of the main story, at the top center of the main page, I was very very excited.

It was a picture for a story on a particular campus bus that students were complaining about. My job was to get a picture that showed students having to wait a long time, only to face a bus that was full (Buses have a capacity here, not like in India, where there practically is no limit on the number of people who can get into the bus). I stood at the bus stop waiting for that bus, a Canon EOS XT digital camera with a heavy lens hanging down my neck. I shot photos of people waiting and of the bus, standing at the bus stop. I also traveled in the bus to see if I can get a picture of people waiting, with the bus' front glass in the foreground, but handling the heavy camera on the moving bus proved troublesome, and didn't permit me to do much there. The photo that got published was one I took when a bus pulled in and people at the stop had to wait for people inside the bus to move back, creating space for these people to get in, and their body language suggested they were hoping they could get a place. You can see the picture here http://www.idsnews.com/news/story.php?id=38529&adid=news. The editor told me she chose the photo because of the look on the face of one of the students waiting.

It was a seemingly simple assignment, but getting a good picture takes effort, and depends on a moment happening. My editor advised me to take as many pictures as I could, optimally, finishing two memory cards of 512MB each. That can mean some hard work, but I guess it was very rewarding to see my photograph in the newspaper. Photojournalism is interesting to me because photojournalists get to experience new situations and new challenges with each new assignment, and that can be exciting. While I am elated about my first photograph, I know that publishing more photos will definitely need effort, and hopefully I can pull it off.

How's Life ?

2006-10-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

I am now the owner of an Apple Laptop. A shiny, used 15 inch Apple Powerbook G4. I bought the laptop and a used apple iCam webcamera for USD 1040. A second hand laptop for a grand, you might ask, and before you look upon me with the same feeling you had when you read about my 800 USD loss on Air India, let me clarify that it also came with an apple care warranty plan for one more year. Besides, second hand powerbooks were selling for about USD 1200 on eBay, and that made it a good proposition. The lure of the apple, you might also say, these machines are so good looking that you want to possess one. Well, at least I fell for them.

It's been two weeks now, and life hasn't changed drastically after I got my laptop, but I get to watch some movies, borrowing DVDs from the main library, I am more accessible than I was before, and I don't have to stop at the Library on Mondays and Wednesdays after my class that ends at 9, to finish any work for the next day. And, I can't get lost, not that I do, but with IU's wireless network over every corner of the campus, google maps is always at hand. The wireless access allows people to work at just about any place, and I think it's a pretty sight, people lying down on the grass, working on their laptop or rea ding a book, with streams of water, and trees around. The leaves are changing colour, and the trees are part yellow, part orange and part green, making it all the more beautiful. The weather's changing though, the temperatures are falling, and soon there'll be nobody on the grass. Last week saw the night temperatures fall below zero.

This weekend I was occupied with correcting papers for the class I am a teaching assistant for and a take home mid-term exam for one of my own courses. Last weekend was interesting.

On Saturday evening, I had dinner with my Bloomington family, the Engels. An organisation called Bloomington Worldwide friendship ties up international students with local families to promote cultural exchange, and they matched me with the Engel family. The dinner was nice and consisted of Macaroni with cheese, a dish made with corn, boiled vegetables, Cranberry jelly, sweet tea and ice cream with peach pie for dessert. We had nice conversations about family life, food, climate and culture in our respective places. The Engels were very generous and I returned home with a dozen farm eggs and more helpings from the dishes we had for dinner. Ever since I landed here, I was concerned if I might be narrow minded and not make many friends here, thanks to BWF and all the group projects at school, I am becoming less worried about that.

On the afternoons of Saturday and Sunday, I went to see the Lotus Music Festival, that brings musicians from all over the world to Bloomington. On Saturday, it was Lotus in the park, and musicians performed and taught in music workshops at a local park. On Sunday, it was the World Spirit concert, and there were performances by people from Tibet, Canada, Brazil and India. The Indian group performed Bharatanatyam and Kuchipudi, Carnatic and Hindustani music, and a much applauded piece consisting of a fusion of the Tabla and an Afghanistani instrument.

The weather looks dampening, but activities in Bloomington abound as usual. The Asian association has plans for Deepawali, and maybe there'll be some excitement during the festival.

Lotus Festival in the Park

The Indian performances at the World Spirit Concert

Weekend Whining

2006-09-22T18:11:00.000-07:00

Amartya Sen was at IU yesterday, and he talked about Identity and India. It was the first time I was breathing the same air a Nobel Laureate was breathing. That must do something to me, I guess. He read from a prepared lecture, and inspite of that, it was an entertaining one. When the brightness of the lights in the auditorium was increased, he joked, "I can see now that I am spreading enlightenment". During the QA session, when somebody asked him, if there were any books other than his own he would recommend somebody for getting an understanding of India, he said he didn't see his books in that light, and said he was surprised that his The Argumentative Indian was a bestseller, he then joked that the best complement he ever received for that book was last week, when his publisher Penguin, mailed him telling him that 15,000 pirated copies of that book were seized in Delhi. There were other witty comments spread through his talk.

Technology can fail you in very significant moments, it happened to me twice this week. At Sen's lecture, I wanted to get his picture, but my camera would display "low battery" when I could get a good view of him, and when I did get it to work, he wasn't visible. All I could manage are the photos shown here. On september 21 I wanted to call my mother for her birthday, and knowing that she would leave for college, I rushed home with a calling card and using my friend's phone called home. All I could hear was my father saying hello, when the call ended and a message said all the card's charge was consumed. To think that I had spent 5 dollars on it. The next morning I had my mother call me, so I could wish her. Pathetic.

I've been eating outside these days, as I have little time between group meetings and classes to go home and eat. A chicken sandwich combined with ice cream or a coke has been my staple diet last week. Not bad on the palate, but not too good for my wallet. I got my first cheque for my work as an assistant instructor, two days back. I still need to buy a laptop. I was expecting Apple to release a laptop with the newest Intel chip, but looks like they're going to take their time. I get to access the internet only when at college, and so it's been some time since I had my hellos returned from the other side of the planet.

It's getting cold. I am shivering as I write this, but I need to get used to the current temperature, as I hear that in the winter when it will snow, even with all the layers of clothing, it'll still be as cold as it is now.
It's 9.40 now, I better be heading home for Dinner. Lest you should worry about my wellbeing, I only used whining in the title to sound well with weekend. I am well.

A month in the US

2006-09-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

Last night, we drove to Indianapolis to watch a 10 pm show of Bommarillu at the IMAX theatre in Washington Street, that makes it my first movie in the US. Listening to a lot of praise for that movie, I went in expecting a movie that well, deserved all that praise. The movie, was not bad, and especially for a director working within the parameters of the love story with disagreeing parents, it was a fine job. But, we have Prakash Raj realising his faults as a father for the 40th time, Dharmavarapu playing the not anymore funny college lecturer, a heroine who wears long flowing skirts everyday and can walk only in hops and jumps and a hero who keeps jumping into the air every 30 minutes. Cliches abound, like in most Telugu films. The film was enjoyable though for some of its moments, but it's not a film that will be remembered once its run is over. In spite of all it attempts to say about a father-son relationship, there isn't anything profound.

Life's getting to usual, with classes and assignments. My only complaint is that my weekends are occupied with group assignments. The classes have been fun. On the first day of our HCI class, the professor tore open a packet of ketchup from McDonald's and squeezed all the ketchup onto a sheet of paper, then he did the same again, then again, four packets in all, before he threw the sheet with all the sauce into the wastebasket. He then distributed chewing gum, band-aid and Tetley tea. By his own admission, his classes are "sometimes weird". In that class, we were marvelling at the good design of some products and criticising the bad design of others. As is evident, the professor really liked the design of the ketchup packet that would open only if you intended to open it. Each one of his classes begins with listening to a music composition, and trying to understand its design.

In another class on informatics, the professor talking about the notion of semantics, gives us the example of a metaphor that takes different meanings in different contexts. He chooses "banging on the hips", from a poem. He tells us how a catholic upbringing would give one the meaning of a dance where you bang on the sides and then about the other meaning of sexual intercourse, while actually making gestures to indicate the two. The examples are always full of life and he always talks self-deprecatingly about his family and his former job studying the effects of shampoo on hair.

I am getting to meet more people, and I am slowly reaching that stage when I will be beginning a conversation without being asked to repeat my first line. At the place I am staying, there're a lot of Indians, and it's beginning to feel like home when I get back. I am not sure, what kind of a person two years here will turn me into, I hope I will like the end-product.

At Home in Bloomington

2006-09-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

Park Doral Apartments

Apartment 2610

My Room, I got the bed and the chair in a furniture giveaway.

A senior gave me the table for free, the Lamp cost me $12, the photo prints were free from yahoo pictures, other decorations, window blinds and a tube light cost me another 40$ in all. That means a furnished room under $50, not a bad thing at all.

I've been cooking. It did taste good!

Indiana University Bloomington

2006-08-16T11:39:00.000-07:00

Tall green trees, buildings well laid amidst a lot of vegetation, Nice huge lamp-posts, and walkways that make walking or cycling such a delight, the Indiana University Bloomington campus sure is a beautiful one.

That's me.

C h i c a g o !

2006-08-16T09:42:00.000-07:00

My cousin's place at peaceful Wheaton

Towards Downtown Chicago

My Cousin Manoj

The Michigan Lake Beach, The Hancock tower behind me.

America's Tallest: The Sears tower

Millennium Park

Millennium park

A huge steel installation at Millennium Park

Each Tower is Tall

Beautiful Downtown.

America, I am here. To stay ?

2006-08-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

I am at Chicago, at my cousin's place. He's a nice man and I am having a good time here. Landing here at O'Hare International airport, though I had the burden of postponing the connecting flight to Indianapolis, which I eventually missed, on my mind, I was happy that I was making my transition into the Western world, having had continental chicken and sauted vegetables for lunch, fruit flavoured yoghurts made in Germany for all meals, reading J.M.Coetzee's Youth (I've mostly read Indian authors before), landing midway at Frankfurt airport and flying across the Atlantic for the first time. A plane ride sure does boost your esteem, you do feel important. I was happy about my first International one, until I realised I had indeed been taken for a ride. I was robbed.

Even as my father would keep advising me to learn from others' experiences, I seem to have a knack for learning things first hand. Adding to the list of new things learned by myself would be, how to claim for lost travelers cheques, what to do if you find your cash stolen from your baggage and how to lodge a complaint with Air India. And these lessons are costly. I will recover my travelers cheques for 1000 USD, but little hope on the 800 dollars cash. And then, there's the feeling that your first international flight was rather jinxed. Surprisingly, the first time I discovered the loss, I didn't react any vehemently. Possibly because, I was expecting it after having heard stories about thefts on Air India's baggage transfer. And maybe, because I was also tired.

As it began to sink in the next day, I was haunted by feelings of what if, why had I put the cash in my baggage, why didnt I spend some time learning how to program that number lock on my bag and other such things. More than anything, it's the feeling of being helpless that troubles me, all I was doing was asking politely if anything could be done, how I wish I could demand action. Anyway, my father was handling that part.

I told myself that it was less than a two-month stipend, to remain calm. While on the value of money, I was at Barnes and Noble bookstore yesterday to while away time, and I was thinking how costly the books were at over 12$ when you could get the same book for Rs.250 in India. But, A simple meal eaten out for one costs around half that price, around 5$.(For the record, my cousin's taken me to Potbelly's Sandwich works and Noodle bar, both times the food tasted wonderful.) So that way, maybe you don't have to think too much about buying a book, equivalent to around two meals. In India, the same 250 is equivalent to around 5 meals for one, so it is actually a larger amount there, as I see it now. That's what is striking to me about the US, if you are earning in dollars, most things are affordable. Cars, laptops and other things are available for not more than two months salary unlike in India where they are perceived as long term investment. But, being the Indian I am my first urge would still be to multiply the dollar figure with 50, to decide whether or not to make a purchase. Maybe, only until I start earning in dollars.

Some of you reading this are maybe already conjecturing, that this fellow's sure to stay back in the US. It's too early anyway.

There are certain warning signs though that might mean I'd return. For one, I feel intimidated here. The Americans are all hefty and well-built, and so confident, and if I have to make an impression here and keep up my self-esteem, I'd have to improve physically and emotionally. And the positive thing is that of what I've seen, the Americans are friendly people. I will put my best foot forward. For the second, I heard my first news story about sniper shooting yesterday, and to think of it, it was in North Indiana. Bloomington's in South Indiana. I guess I'll have to license a gun.

I'll be heading to Bloomington, that very beautiful campus town, rated among the most liveable places in America by some magazine, this weekend. I know I'll enjoy the US!

A rainy day's pour-out

2006-05-25T07:19:00.000-07:00

It's raining outside, I am stranded in the lab, after a stressful day, and since I don't want to get back to work on my project, I have decided to write. It's been past a month since I posted last. Every day will definitely have things to talk about, and a month is a lot of time.

Some of my friends are at home, some at faraway places, a few giving me company. I am still struggling on my project, wondering what I have gained in the process. It's been four months since I last went to the Hyderabad Film Club, an even larger amount of time since I went home and stayed a whole day, I've always had to return to worry about my project, some time since I had the luxury of a long conversation and some time since I have heartily laughed.

Maybe it's not as bad as I made it sound, I have things to look forward to, I will be going to Indiana university in August and I know deliverance from my project is nearing. Even as I write this, I feel like a stupid that I am thinking so much about the project. I hate to identify with it. To me work can never be life, unless you are an artist (of course!, I hope to be one). I don't know how the transition came about, when I was at school I always wanted to be a scientist of some kind, I now want to do something in the arts. I now brood more, if that qualifies me for it. My interest in people has also grown.

Whatever the fallout, I must be thankful to my project for opening my eyes, I learnt an important lesson: Never lead yourself on a path that's not made for you. I have decided never to work on something that I have no interest in, and have even lesser aptitude for. I have fretted, fumed and brooded on why I had to struggle while some had it easy, and in the process also gained a voice. So, it's not that bad after all.

Can't believe.

2006-04-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

We've been bid farewell at the IIIT. Can't believe it's getting over.

I must admit that I've not had a great sense of belonging initially. It took me three years to get acquainted with people and begin to feel at home with them and at the IIIT. The final year's been a most wonderful time, I had things to worry about but I also had friends who made me feel special.

Four years just flew by, wish I had all those wonderful times in the final year all through. But, it takes time to strike a chord with people, and inspite of taking the people you are close to for granted, there'll be a lot of things you still won't know about them. I am looking forward to leaving the IIIT as I go in search of new adventures, but I wish I had more time with my friends.

Can't believe I am 21.

I still have the feeling that I finished school very recently and I still feel a need for care and attention.

I am yet to learn to be myself at social gatherings, I just can't help but be stiff and inconvenient, and that means I am always robbing photographs of their charm.

When we went on excursions in school to Rajasthan and Delhi in my last two years, I always felt out of the group. When we checked into the hotels, people would choose their room-mates, and I was the one who was always left out. I stayed with people who weren't the ones I met everyday and called friends. While travelling on trains, in buses I had difficulty joining people in whatever they were doing, playing cards or humming songs.

Every time, I was expecting them to ask me to join them, expecting them to invite me to be in their rooms. Even as I've grown to 21 years, I seem to have the wisdom but I haven't really changed. We went on a batch trip recently, and I saw a repeat of those very events: I felt withdrawn, and unable to talk without hesitation, and was expecting people to ask me to join them. Again, I couldn't really spend as much time as I would have liked with my friends on the trip.

It's time I learnt to stop expecting somebody to help me help myself, and learnt to take the initiative.

Hello there!

2006-03-15T23:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a long time since I wrote, pity that my last post actually talked about my writing more often.

I've been occupied with applying to universities and trying to satisfy my final year project guide. In between, I had to deal with the placements.

A sense of achievement can do wonders to your psyche. A sense of worthlessness can prove to be very depressing, as I found out in the placement process. Well, when I don't get into a company it means that I don't fit into that company, and not that I am incompetent is what I'd like to believe (who would want to blame himself, after all!) and what is common wisdom, but when you discover you don't fit into neither Adobe, nor Google, nor Sarnoff, nor Microsoft, nor Yahoo, you can't help but find fault with yourself. (My, they are big names!)

Finally and thankfully (Since that gave me an excuse to be out of the placement process!), I ended up at Infosys SETLabs after they had rejected me initially and advised me to widen my horizons. Well, that took away the little sense of achievement it would have given me had I been accepted without the initial rejection. I wasn't elated at all. (Maybe, also because of the fact that I was prejuduced both by the salaries of the companies that I didn't fit into and the fact that it was Infosys, which well I didn't hold in very high esteem (You might as well notice the past tense.)).

I currently am into programs in human computer interaction at the Indiana University and the University of Nottingham. I guess my next destination will be clear in a couple of months time when I will hear from the other universities.

Keep Driving, I will

2005-10-23T23:24:00.000-07:00

After receiving complements from my brother for my previous post, it is with a feeling of apprehension that I am writing this post. For I am not really sure if I'll stand up to keep those complements each time I write. Besides, there's the 4.0 I received on the GRE writing assessment that makes me even more apprehensive. But then there's hope that some bright day will be mine, and that precisely is the subject of this post, Hope.

Hope is a beautiful thing. It keeps you going despite any setbacks you might have had. You might have failed to reach your expectations, but there's the hope that you'll do well next time. If not for the hope, we would have given up. You might have had a quarrel with a friend and find it extremely difficult to make the first move, but there's hope that time will set it right.

Of course, hope only works when combined with action. I can't keep hoping that things will happen without my intervention. It is hope that drives us and effort that pulls us through.

There are these beautiful stories about men and women who have endured all setbacks to achieve what they wanted to. They fill you with hope. That explains why I find reading Jack Canfield and Mark Hansen's Chicken soup for the soul such a comfort. While on these stories and my writing, there is this story about R.K.Narayan failing in his English examination at college, and that's provided me succour from my 4.0!

Hope is the rope,
that swings around life,
providing support during failure and strife.
So whatever the circumstance,
never change your stance,
on Hope.

Can I Write ?

2005-10-05T02:23:00.001-07:00

Written in May 2005

I've always wanted to write, but haven't tried my hand at it seriously. I started off pompously hoping to finish a book by the time I was 20. I am now 20 years, 33 days old, but my "book" is still at page one. I had an idea in mind, writing about a character who was in many a manner similiar to what I am, my characteristics, feelings and traits. Overwhelmed by the initial enthusiasm, I began and finished the one page. I even edited it. Alas, the enthusiasm didn't last and my dream of being a widely read famous author(how audacious!) by the time I was twenty will remain unfulfilled.

I admire and adore Ruskin Bond and his writing. My desire to write took birth when I read that he won the John Llewelyn prize at the age of 17 for his book, The room on the roof. I thought I was setting myself a modest target, by allowing myself time till I was 20. I was 17 then.

For me, writing was till very recently, a thing done for school work. I only realised very recently that I had to write often if I wanted to communicate well. My intention to write was further encouraged when I saw the movie "Before Sunset", in which the female protagonist talks about the Journal she keeps of everyday events and her desire to write and compose more songs.(I found Julie Delpy wonderful in that role.) Also, when I saw my brother's blog, I liked his writing, and wanted to learn the skill.

I have been nursing a desire to become a film maker, I have been to several screenings at the Hyderabad Movie Club, and realised that if I wanted to make a great film, I needed to write a great screenplay, and the only way to learn to write a screenplay is to start writing some. So that notion extended to writing as well, and here I am trying to write.

It's great fun. To read back on what you've written and have others read your writing. It's always great to speak about your experiences, your beliefs, your ambitions. And its even better if you wrote about them and have the others read them.