Saturday, April 01, 2006

Can't believe.

We've been bid farewell at the IIIT. Can't believe it's getting over.

I must admit that I've not had a great sense of belonging initially. It took me three years to get acquainted with people and begin to feel at home with them and at the IIIT. The final year's been a most wonderful time, I had things to worry about but I also had friends who made me feel special.

Four years just flew by, wish I had all those wonderful times in the final year all through. But, it takes time to strike a chord with people, and inspite of taking the people you are close to for granted, there'll be a lot of things you still won't know about them. I am looking forward to leaving the IIIT as I go in search of new adventures, but I wish I had more time with my friends.

Can't believe I am 21.

I still have the feeling that I finished school very recently and I still feel a need for care and attention.

I am yet to learn to be myself at social gatherings, I just can't help but be stiff and inconvenient, and that means I am always robbing photographs of their charm.

When we went on excursions in school to Rajasthan and Delhi in my last two years, I always felt out of the group. When we checked into the hotels, people would choose their room-mates, and I was the one who was always left out. I stayed with people who weren't the ones I met everyday and called friends. While travelling on trains, in buses I had difficulty joining people in whatever they were doing, playing cards or humming songs.

Every time, I was expecting them to ask me to join them, expecting them to invite me to be in their rooms. Even as I've grown to 21 years, I seem to have the wisdom but I haven't really changed. We went on a batch trip recently, and I saw a repeat of those very events: I felt withdrawn, and unable to talk without hesitation, and was expecting people to ask me to join them. Again, I couldn't really spend as much time as I would have liked with my friends on the trip.

It's time I learnt to stop expecting somebody to help me help myself, and learnt to take the initiative.